“So you think you’re one of the 144,000!?
This is what you’re going to do for a thousand years!”
::
Violently torn and my spirit broken,
Profusely bleeding, my virginity taken,
I came to while the nurse removed my pink robe,
I suppose to wash the bloody stain,
so that no DNA remained.
::
I awoke again, this time with a bloody scream.
To my surprise two females shrilly cried back
as if the same thing had happened to them:
“What Kim!?”
::
As I further awakened,
the winter darkness filling the room
I wondered how I kept from falling off
the rusty examining table
never realizing that I was soon to be pronounced disabled.
::
I eased myself down to the cold damp floor
not knowing if they were going to come in once more.
I tried to do a sit up to tighten my muscles and lesson the pain
praying all the while they wouldn’t come in again.
Feeling the numb area around my vagina
I felt a maxi pad hiding the bleeding gap six inch in diameter.
I was dilated like I just had a baby
I started crying like I was going crazy.
::
I walked over to the window pacing back and forth
the snow on the ground outside
let me know
I was no longer up on the fifth floor.
I continued to pace and pray at the same time
and thought of my savior, Jesus Christ
when he said, Keep on knocking and it will be opened to you.
I walked to the door and knocked like he said to do.
I waited in silence then all of a sudden
the door knob turned, the door was opened.
::
(By who I can’t remember)
but I was taken down a dark corridor
where when I looked back I saw my captor, wearing his yamaka.
I was frightened beyond belief.
Who could comprehend such grief?
I was led further to a small elevator
that took me back up to the doctor’s examining room
and then out to the hallway behind the nurse’s station.
I cried vehemently. Not out of consolation.
But because I believed there were others I left behind in the basement.
::
Trying to erase my memory, I imagine,
they kept asking me: Won't you take an electric shock!?
Maybe twelve or thirteen!?
That number is so symbolic
and thinking back on several occasions,
I thought that even the doctor was probably having delusions.
